Of Love and Marriage

Today is valentines, friends are asking if  a romantic dinner, is still something being looked forward to in marriage?

Boy, it will be expensive to go for a date today (and a little bit korai too) but definitely, we will celebrate but not today.

Anyway, allow me to share my thoughts about love and marriage. I have been married for almost 16 years, the courtship goosebumps are no longer there, and love has evolved from a mere emotion to a commitment.

Marriage is more than a piece of paper, it is about a promise of forever made to another person, and to God and witnessed by bunch of people. A promise to love even when the excitement is no longer there, a promise of exclusivity, a promise to make the marriage work inspite and despite of….

I have no intention to downplay factors caused by separation, divorce or annulment, neither to disregard the violence and pain experienced by some. I don’t wish to talk about other relationships, I just wish to share mine. I don’t have a perfect marriage nor claim to be a blameless husband. I’m like every other guy facing similar temptations but must choose how to respond and react, either to go for the kill or consider the consequences of my actions.

Once in our marriage life, we have the option to call it quits, anyways, we don’t have kids at that time. And I’m the villain and the jerk. In the middle of chaos, pain, confusion, bankruptcy. We hang on to the promise we made to each other, though difficult since the trust is violated. We survived that stage and as a result, God gifted us with 2 kids, a son who is 10 years old now, and a daughter who is 8 ( prior to this, we are unable to have kids for 5 years).

We came a long way since that episode, we are still arguing and imperfect though. But at the end of the day, a fact still remains: We made a promise to each other before God. That promise empower us to extend our patience, understanding and tolerance.

To us, love is not magic, goosebumps or emotional chuvaluh. Yes it started that way, but it evolved into a commitment. Soon, we will grow a little more older, and sex will no longer be a factor, but it doesn’t mean we no longer love each other. Soon we may not be as good looking as we used to be and we may smell like earth, but it doesn’t mean we no longer love each other. Though the emotion is no longer as intense as when we started courting, it doesn’t mean love is no longer present. Though it is expected that we will not always make each other happy, it doesn’t mean we can no longer love each other.

In the absence of all these indicators (that people used to gauge love), it doesn’t mean marriage should be terminated. It’s better not to marry than to give a marriage vow and not keep it. Keeping the marriage vow is where the children learn and understand what love, commitment and keeping one’s promise is all about. The media, society and peers are not good alternative. Integrity is best looked at in marriage.

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,is not provoked,
does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness,
but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. Love never fails;

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a