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Betrayal is personal, you alone can feel it. On the other hand, the person you thought have betrayed you is just being practical.

Someone who is hurting approached me after my talk and sought a word of advise. I thought of sharing my advise here because the root cause of her problem is common to us all- trusting when the relationship is not defined.

  • A person lost a substantial amount of investments, after what she thought as friends,  left her to cope with the problems of the biz.
  • These friends, she said, spent less and less time when the biz is no longer making money, until she is the only one caring
  • She poured  money to the idea, and let her friends become industrial partners. But since they are friends, nothing about the arrangement was in writing
  • She felt betrayed and is hurting financially, emotionally and her health is already affected because of this whole episode

Below is the gist of my advise.

Just let go and move on. Charge it to experience and learn the following lessons:

1. People will connect to you (with a FEW exception of course) because you’ve got something they need, or want

  • Money (they need to sell you something, want you to invest, work for your company)
  • Network (they can only get through someone through you)
  • Knowledge (you are a rockstar, they want to learn from you or copy your idea)
  • Opportunities (to do something that will bring pleasure or value to them)
  • Entertainment (you may not be an entertainer, but they find your life or what you share on social media entertaining, if not amusing)

2. Unless these people have been your friends when you’re still a nobody, then EXPECT that they will UNFOLLOW you as soon as the connection is no longer value adding (you are no longer providing above wants or needs).   If they stayed on your side when life is not so kind to you, congrats, you’ve found a friend. Value that person.   But if they moved on, it is the most logical and practical thing to do from their perspective. Move on too, perhaps one day, they will understand your situation.
3. When you are unfollowed, abandoned or betrayed, give yourself time to grieve. Afterwards, pick up the pieces and be thankful that you are wiser because of the experience. Reflect because the problem might be you.
4. The best part of this learning experience is you might discover real friends.    
Since the person you thought have betrayed you do not share your emotion, learn and do not be so trusting next time. Be transactional in the relationship, unless you are sure that the other party share your appreciation of the relationship.  
If you cannot help but to be trusting, then be ready. Be resilient when the outcome of a relationship do not meet your expectations.

Have you gone through similar experience, care to share how you moved on?


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