Update: If you are not only being scolded, but also experiencing office bullying or harassment, then head over this article: How to Handle Office or Workplace Bullies
Personal Note:
I’ve been scolded by my boss lots of time, for various reasons. But because I refused to take the shaming personally, I was able to stay put in my work, long enough to enhance both my skills and attitude. And when I’m not looking for a better employer, an offer to become an Asst. Vice President for another company came, I find it cool.
I since left full-time employment on 2010 and became a solopreneur.
Read: Chillax, Don’t Quit Your Job
READ: What is Office Bullying
Have you been scolded by your boss lately?
Let me share with you the framework that guided me thru the years:
Don’t leave your job just because your boss is angry with you – Ecclesiastes 10:4
One of the reasons why employees leave their company is their boss.
- Nagging boss
- Unreasonable boss
- Sexually aggressive boss
- Abusive boss
And the list can go on and on…
What I’d like to blog though, is the common experience employees have with their bosses– scolding
The insult may not be personal, may not be direct but still below the belt. The intention is to call your attention, stir emotion and get the message across… and in some cases, to give you a good reason to quit.
None of us are exempt from it, and based on experience, the more I moved up the ladder, the simple dressing down became more direct and bordering to insult.
When someone experienced this, what options are available for the offended party? I have 2 in mind, but you can throw your two cents and add more
- Resign or
- Stay
On Resigning
In the Philippines, there is no law prohibiting employees from leaving the organisation when you’re no longer happy. However, you must serve 1 month notice prior to separation, or you may be held for damages.
However, you can end your employment immediately when scolded by boss beyond what is normal and acceptable. Enumerated below are the valid reasons:
Art.
285*300. Termination by employee.
- An employee may terminate without just cause the employee-employer relationship by serving a written notice on the employer at least one (1) month in advance. The employer upon whom no such notice was served may hold the employee liable for damages.
- An employee may put an end to the relationship without serving any notice on the employer for any of the following just causes:
- Serious insult by the employer or his representative on the honor and person of the employee;
- Inhuman and unbearable treatment accorded the employee by the employer or his representative;
- Commission of a crime or offense by the employer or his representative against the person of the employee or any of the immediate members of his family; and
- Other causes analogous to any of the foregoing.
While this is an option, the process is not easy and maybe highly stressful because at some cases, litigation may be involved.
(for readers outside the Philippines, please check your country's labor code)
If you will opt to stay, but you want to teach your boss a lesson, you better check your company’s code of ethics and discipline and see where the abusive behaviour falls. Top of mind, here are some of the actions that can give you an upper hand.- If scolding is an offshoot of sexual harassment
- If scolding has an element of discrimination, i.e. gender, sexual preference, race, etc.
- If scolding is a result of your refusal to coöperate on something unethical, if not outright illegal.
On Staying
Another choice is to move on, and acknowledge the experience as normal work hazard. Don’t let the hurtful words of another person distract you on your goals. Here’s what I remind myself when my emotions want to take charge.
Proverbs 12:16 —A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
Proverbs 19:11 —Smart people are patient; they will be honored if they ignore insult.This option is easier said than done, but if you choose to endure an ass-hole boss (by your standard), then you will develop both a skill and character that will prepare you for a higher responsibility. How is this possible?
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so is man sharpens another man.
More young people leave after being scolded by their boss, though the reason is work related. They’re too onion skinned (emotionally sensitive) and cannot take the heat. But do you know that unsuccessful people are those who run away from responsibility and do not want to face the consequences of their actions or inactions?
Employees who give up when the going gets tough are unreliable and cannot be trusted for “bigger responsibilities”. During the exit interview I had with resigning employees, these turned out to be the real reason for quitting:- Do not want to be corrected
- Can’t or will not accept their mistake
- Afraid of their boss
- Bosses’ shady ways (a valid reason to go)
We all commit mistake on the job, and bosses definitely will call our attention. But bosses do this differently, some will take the paternal approach (father and child discussion) to correct you, but most are comfortable with the transactional approach in dealing with the problem, i.e. scold you.
What distinguishes mature and people that will most likely succeed from quitters is their willingness to face scolding, and still keep their dignity and self confidence intact. They don’t hide, they don’t pass the buck, and they don’t run away. They stick it out and face the heat, and believed it’s “better to work with the devil they know than the devil that they do not know“.
In my case, I opted to swallow my pride. Anyway, I thought, I don’t own the exclusive right to scolding. To avoid it, it made me proactive and more responsible. Little did I know that it prepared me, both in skills and attitude for the next level position.
My advise for those going thru a season of scolding (IF the scolding is work related and don’t constitute ethical and legal breach), is to endure the heat, and allow the experience to mature you. The experiences you’ll gain will be beneficial to you in the long run.
* renumbered articles of the labor code (download your copy)
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Can you think of another way to handle an insult from a boss? Share your thoughts!
Founder of LODI Inc. (Learning and Organization Development Institute, Inc.) and Co-Founder of Blogwatch. Mentor and Dad of 2 Gen Z Professionals.
Advocate of #HRinHR (Human Rights in Human Resources) and #DigitalCitizenship
Strategist for Talent, Culture & Content Development, and Cyber Wellness Initiatives
Keynoter and Facilitator of Workplace and Life Learning
Blogging since 2004.
Thank you for this article, I’m in my first entry level job on a learning curve, and I made a mistake and got scolded and criticized by two of my bosses. I felt like giving up, but your article showed me not to give up and keep going and just learn from this experience.
Glad to be of help. Just hang-on, believe me, it’ll make you better
[…] this quickie article to be part of the most visited in 2019, much more of the decade. Top 9 Got Scolded by your Boss, What Now? This employment issue will be experienced by past, present and future employees. I wrote this to […]
for me, it has been there a long time ago. but is only a flavor of the month sort of thing, just like LGBT rights a few months back.
kung baga, its only because its been thrust on the spotlight.
I don’t think the generation of workers right now have the same resilience as the titos and titas of the workplace. There is too much emphasis on mental health, thus, when the going get’s tough, they just quit
Mental Health advocate here. It’s not necessarily bad to put an emphasis on mental health. More than anything, it’s a great avenue to slowly accept and learn to work openly with people diagnosed with mental disorders who have so much to give to the workplace. Plus, there is an avenue for talking about stress, possible burnouts, and a new paradigm to corporate culture. With that said, the advocacy itself is raw in the workplace because there is so much more emphasis in the academic world. Moreover, it does more harm than good to generalize generations or cohorts rather than look… Read more »
@Sonia I don’t think you should generalize and include us, Gen Z, in your problem with millennial professionals. Millennials are sometimes setting a bad example to us, in the workplace.
Being more conscious of mental health is not necessarily bad. But having said that, the younger professionals in the workplace also need to develop some level of resilience in order to develop grit.
I have a boss like ceo and i was not interviewed by him when I offered this job of senior offcier.I am another 2 years service. As my present boss who has taken me ,left and joined anoother organisation. Now , the present CEO is finding lot of misatakes from my work.I am through professional put in 20 years in the simmilar line, but is being neglected the present ceo.What to do ? should I leave the job or stick to the same.
Please advice on my mail.
If it situation is taking a toll in your mental health, consider leaving. But do so only after you have a new employer in the wing
Thanks, it is really helpful. Means if you work and take responsibilities, in starting you will do mistakes and will be scolded but that will make you mature and responsible person. Thanks a lot. God Bless You!
I’ve had some experience here. I was able to find a good balance though between being strong enough to fight back yet maintaining just the right amount of patience to stay at my job. I eventually left but on my own terms. Some bosses when they think they can bully you do. I’ve had co-workers cry because of a boss’ scolding. Never happened to me though because she just wasn’t important enough to matter. Stay strong and always follow the rules.
I really think that this is a good post and relevant especially for newbies at the work place or fresh grads. 🙂 I hope to never be able to experience this though.
Inhave not been scolded yet because I know I am a good employee. But nonetheless, people should not be like that. How not to get scolded? This guide fits in!
i am lucky i have not been scolded by my bosses before. we had misunderstanding but thatt’s it. i just dont know what would be my reaction but the only thing i know is that i hate being scolded for no reason or for bias reasons. a “sagutan” is okay especially if you are explaining yourself. this is a good topic to share to my friend who is being scolded by her boss. she has not resigned yet .hmmm
Aika |
NICE! Boss are not leaders. if you try to show that you are smarter than him by opposing him or
getting into an argument with him, you perhaps risk your growth in the
company and will probably do better with another type of boss.
I survived more than a year working with a boss who would occasionally shout at his employees, even the ones older than him. Sometimes he’d even laugh at their mistakes. I’d often be spared but it was really awkward to see senior employees getting lashed at. While I agree that employees should do their best to be bulletproof, if it makes your life miserable I’m sure it’s a better choice to leave.
I think it’s a bit normal that there will be intense conversations between bosses and employees. I know I’m still young in the corporate world and I still got to learn so many things. But I always believe we should not let emotions get in the way of anything and to always maintain that sense of professionalism whether you’re a boss or not.
Alam mo Sonnie, mahirap talaga kapag ang isang working environment e kulang sa professionalism – both on the part of the employers, the managers (bosses) and the employees in general. In my case naman, sa mga nakausap ko, ang pinaka-madalas na rude kapag may pinapagalitan are not the employers, mostly the managers or supervisors. Anyway, your post is timely and a must read kasi din naman, napakaraming cases din na napapagalitan within reasons pa rin naman, pero ang employees naman, drama. E di lalong napapasama diba? Ngayon kung sumosobra na ang employer for example, ang hirap din naman umalis kasi… Read more »
These are my thoughts based on my experience. One way to handle an insult from our boss is to just let it pass through our ears and not take it to heart. Meanwhile, if we get scolded because it’s our fault, the best way to appease the anger of our boss is just apologize and reaffirm him that we’ll try our best to make things right. I know it’s difficult for some but all we need is practice and the proper mindset. As for being scolded when it’s not really our fault, I highly recommend not to apologize. Also, don’t… Read more »
Good read!
I am still quite new to the company and still unable to do my job as fast when comparing to them. I only been there for 3 months and my boss told me the other day that I wasn’t helping them at all, unable to multi task, and why I am not fast enough and the asking me how in the world I got a job in the first place. Odell insulted and offended cause I have tried to live up to their standard. They have been telling me to hurry up from the first day I got there.
Hi Vivian, did they provide you ample training to cope with their expectations? Though insult is not a good way to motivate, you should use this to improve and hone your skill… if need be, go down swinging and don’t throw the towel, so to speak
We have been laid by our employer without any notice, memo, or any notification from the agency, management or whatsoever. im the last to be laid and the bitter thing is I had only been informed I was done on the same day which i discovered was my last day. that was cruel, just because of exam. we know our employeer simply would like to weed out older ones. it obviously became apparent when some of those who failed where given additional chance just to pass the exam. and those who they do not like had been as it is.… Read more »
Are you direct hire by the company or from a manpower agency? What kind of exam were given and for what purpose?
Personally treatment from any employer should run hand and hand with Eaqual Rights it’s insanely wrong to treat employees with any disrespect but an employer can fire any employee if they get back what they dish out…
Agree with you, courtesy and respect should be mutual. But in real life, the more powerful party tends to disrespect the weaker one. The weaker party should be proactive and think thru the actions s/he will take in response.
I’m a manager of a fast food restaurant. There was this employee who thinks I insulted his dignity (according to his wife), walked out during operations and never came back to work. It went this way: He was a food handler but made a dishwasher for the week until he submits his training booklet (as required by our head office that all food handler in the kitchen must be certified to prepare food, the booklet will be the evidence and incidentally that day we are expecting someone from the head office to check those processes). But it seems that he… Read more »
{{{Under current law, employees have little or no legal recourse against supervisors who non-discriminately intimidate, insult, verbally abuse and demean them in the workplace. Those days may soon be over. Over the last five years, at least thirteen (13) states have introduced legislation that permits employees to sue their employers and supervisors who insult, intimidate and verbally abuse them regardless of race, gender, age, national origin or disability (“Bully Legislation”). Although none of the Bully Legislation has yet been passed into law}}}…..this is part of an article from the above URL….Hopefully it will be passed into law sooner… Honestly this… Read more »
I do agree with Sally’s comment. If you were insulted once which you felt that is below the belt then give another try but if the Boss habit is to insult his employees then I believe you need to leave the company before you totally lost your self esteem and self respect. You aimed to be productive but if you feel that your boss is pulling you down your performance and cannot get any support at all then it is high time to take a hike and find a better company who will acknowledge and value their employees.
Give the boss a second chance. It might probably be a slip of the tongue, or anger just clouded his reasoning at that certain point in time. If it’s because of performance, I’d rather do my job well the next time.
If he’s unreasonable most of the time, I’ll move on in another company, and strive to surpass his level.
I think many people prefer option no 1 i.e to resign and look for another job.I would prefer option no 2 i.e to stay and do your job well; much as you pray for God to come through for you.I was in a similar situation 2 years back;and decided to resign while my fellow workmates decided to stay and wait on God.God worked miracles for them! The nagging Boss was transfered to another department and a very understanding boss replaced that one.A few months later they got a pay hike something i could have really enjoyed if i was patient… Read more »
Regarding the response from “Danny” Stay and pray is hardly a strategy for success. That sounds dangerously close to complacency to me. Furthermore, pressure for results from the ownership is a weak reason for verbally abusing subordinate employees. If the manager is too weak or unskilled to perform as they are expected, then perhaps they should be replaced. By that rationale, all of the distasteful things in the would would go on unchecked (discrimination, etc…) if bad behavior is chalked up as a bad day for the boss. Managers should be held to a higher standard the farther up the… Read more »
You will understand until your standing on his/her shoes. He/She experienced the same insult and learned from it. Besides, Boss responsibility is to run the company or else he/she’ll be fired not only insult from the owner.
Better stay and pray.
If you have the patience of Job, what you can do is stay on and “educate” the boss. I can take insult once or twice from my boss particularly if I’m at fault, but to have him/her do it out of habit is something I will not allow. Bosses are stress-prone humans just like the rest of us, and sometimes they lose the brain-mouth connection when they experience pressure from their superiors or from their wives. Sometimes it’s worth the trouble of diplomatically pointing out to the boss that he/she has made an error in judgment. Make your boss realize/understand… Read more »
If you can’t stand the heat get off the fire or get the fire off if you can do so. Both has some consequences though that a person should face with a ball.
Well, it’s so nicely explained… 🙂 I have been a regular employee and a boss and sometimes, we can never read minds. In any workplace or in any given situation with conflicts… there is a need for OPEN CONVERSATION not necessarily confrontation. One has to understand each other’s side before taking any further action. And this is possible only with having open talk. In the process, you will not even need to like the other, but having expressed your side is quite a psychological and physical relief. And oh, one think, when you’re not sure of anything yet… DON’T MAKE… Read more »
This kind of Manager is insuburdination, he must be put on investigation immediatly, other wise unoin will fire him
I believe the employee-supervisor relationship is the main reason employee’s leave their organizations. When it comes to an insulting boss, one who does go overboard or “below the belt,” I think the employee has little room to help the situation. It’s been my experience that managers and supervisors who engage in this kind of insulting behavior are Theory X thinkers and do not have the competence or intelligence to grasp the consequences of their actions on the situation. Explanations of the cost of turnover, benefits of positive employee relations on work performance, and positive coaching techniques often fall on deaf… Read more »
Hostile Work Environment
If the “insult(s)” do not comply with above then:
Confront them diplomaticaly in private.
Document the situation, including any witnesses and inform someone in human resources.
Start looking for another job, it will only get worse.
Listen to what the boss has say, there could be a mistake from our side otherwise the boss wouldn’t have to call us, if there is a mistake from our side, listen to him, make proper apologisation & leave the room with a smile.In case if there is mistake from our side, take the matter calmly, just say sorry for a formality and leave the room.
Sonnie, I agree with the 2 steps what an employee can follow. If it was couple of years ago , I would have followed step-1 , ie. leaving the employer .But now I would prefer to give a try to stay back. The challenge is getting motivated and coping up with the Boss . The proverbs are good and gives a punch .But in reality it may not work that great.The best way is to make the boss understand the situation and get him also along with us . How can we do that . If we do that by… Read more »
in my experience, reasoning with boss in the heat of the moment is futile. Reasoning out when the mood is good is worth trying but result varies from case to case.
at the end of the day, the only choice is to adjust to the bosses liking (not doable in most cases) or leave
–A fool shows his annoyance at once,
Ah yes! I remember when I was young, such a long time ago it seems now. I was slow to anger but when I reached a certain point of ‘boiling’ inside, I reacted very swiftly. Usually the guy was on the floor wondering what happened. Now i just say, “God loves you too.”
Simple. When the employer insults you or he cannot handle the situation (nervous, out of control etc) or he is just trying to give you pressure so you quit and he has nothing to explain to his superiors why you left or pay damages to you if he would fire you. On the first case just look at him apathetic, let him keep on insulting until he understands that he only insults his own self, soon he will stop and not bother you again plus you’ll gain his respect. On the second case that he is just putting pressure, react… Read more »